Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
