i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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