I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
