I just pynch a tree in the face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
