She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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