Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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