He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
