The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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