How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
