Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
