): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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