i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
