I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
