both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
