3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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