My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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