I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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