i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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