the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
