3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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