please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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