My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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