i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
