i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
