I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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