I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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