I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
