Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
