No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
