I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
