i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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