There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
