How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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