so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Randomize
