he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
