guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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