i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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