I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
