Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
