Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
