im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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