i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
