her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
