either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
