Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
