I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
