Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
