dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
