someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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