I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
