I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize