You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
