She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
