she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
