it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rumble strips road head = magical
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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