I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
