I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Text me some of your sweat
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
