I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
