her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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