I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
