Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
