i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
