Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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