she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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