dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She bit a glass in half.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
