I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
