also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
