i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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