you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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